A Walk Through Hell
by smamibean
Summary: A Tegan and Sara one shot. Quincest. Don't like it, don't read it.


Sara

The persistent knocking on the hotel door made me lift my head from the expensive hotel pillow. I sighed as she kept knocking. I pulled the white comforter over my head. Slowly tears fell from my eyes as she called out my name.

"Sara," Her voice was desperate. I bit my lip. I wanted to cry out to her. My heart ached as I silenced myself with the comforter as I began to call out. Her knocking began again. "I know your in there."

I tore the comforter away from me. I fell out of the bed as I hurried to the door. I gently pressed my finger tips to the hard wood. I whispered her name as I leaned against the thin door.

"Sara, please," I could hear the tears escaping from her eyes. I heard the rustle of clothes as she slid her body down the door. Her knuckles softly made contact with the door. "Please. Let me in. I'm so sorry."

My hand rested on the door handle. My lower lip began to tremble. I breathed out deep. The tears filled my eyes. I closed my eyes as the water began to escape. I covered my face with my hands as the sobs shook my body.

'Sara! Please, just let me in!" The desperation in her voice was unbearable. I could hear her stand up. She began to bang on the door. The rough sounds made me collapse to the floor. I pulled my bony knees to my flat chest. "I'm so fucking sorry. Please. Let me make it up to you!"

There was a battle going on inside of me. I wanted to let her in. My heart ached for her. I needed her. I needed for her to say she would never do it again. That she wouldn't hurt me again. But, my mind told me no. That I couldn't let her in. That hurting me was all she ever did. That she was the type of person that could never shake her bad habits. That once she had taken another woman into my own bunk, she was bound to do it again.

"Sara, please. I won't go until you let me in," I wiped the tears from my shallow cheeks. I violently got up in anger. My hands fumbled with the lock. I was surprised at my strength as I threw the door open. Tegan stood there. She looked worse for wear. Her pants were wrinkled beyond relief. Her shirt was unbuttoned at the top. Only the back half was tucked in.

"Sara," Her small hand reached out to me. I stepped back away from her.

"Don't you dare fucking touch me," My eyes were wide. My cheeks flushed with anger. She stepped into the room, closing the door behind her.

"Sara," Her eyes were red, her nose runny. She placed her hands in her pocket. She looked up at me through her lashes. "Please, just hear me out."

"No. No. No," I shook my head. I stepped towards her. "Why the fuck would I want to hear you out? You promised me after that ho-bag in Calgary, you wouldn't cheat again! But, you know what, you fucking lied!"

"Sara," The tears came down her face heavily. her hands came up draping themselves over her eyes. "You don't know how sorry I am."

"And then, after you promised me again, that you wouldn't cheat," I raised my fist up. I delivered blows to her arms and chest. "You cheated again! In my BUNK!"

My vision was blurred as my fists kept swinging. Tegan stood there, her hands at her sides. Her eyes were wide open. She opened her mouth to speak. Numerous apologies flew from her mouth. My fists hit her harder. I got angrier once I noticed she wasn't going to fight back.

"Fight back! What the fuck? FIGHT BACK!" I broke down. My fists slowed to a halt as I fell onto Tegan. I clung to her shirt as the tears kept coming. I tried blinking my eyes, but I couldn't. My head began to spin as Tegan wrapped her arms around me. She lowered us onto the floor, my knees folding as she placed me on her lap.

"Sara," She murmured my name into my neck as her fingers combed through my hair. "You don't know how sorry I am. I really am. I love you, so much."

"Then why did you do it?" I pulled away from her. She caught my fingers in her hand. I roughly pulled them out of her soft clutch. My shaky knees took me to the bed. I collapsed on the edge, My fingers playing with the sheets.

"I don't know," She looked down at her feet as she spoke. Her fingers played with the thick carpet. She looked up at me. Her bottom lip was sucked up through her teeth. Her eyes were dark. "It didn't mean anything with them."

"Bullshit," My mother had always encouraged Tegan and I to have a back bone. I never really had one up until now. "You had to have felt something to crawl into bed with the first tramp you saw."

"Sara," Tegan and I stared at each other. We were each on our own pedestal of stubbornness. She knew she was sorry yet I knew she wasn't sorry. "Please. Forgive me. I don't want to have wasted the past five years of my life. I love you. Please. Forgive me."

"I don't know if I can," I laced my fingers together, breaking our eye contact. I looked at the door above her. She slowly got up. She dished in her pocket and pulled out a circular object. She walked over to where I sat. She held it out to me. It was a silver band. In the middle, was a pearl. On the opposite side of each other, encrusted in the metal were three small diamonds. A tag looped around the band. in Tegan's messy scrawl sat four words that made my whole body tingle.

_Will you marry me?_

"I know we can't legally get married, and I know that you need time to think about it," Her voice trailed off. She looked me dead in the eyes. She dropped the ring into my hand. "But, I Iove you. Please, please just think about it."

And with that, she was gone from my room. The ring was heavy in my fist as I fell onto the bed. I didn't know what I was going to do. All I knew was that I was going to need a lot of thinking time.

*

The crowd cheered as Tegan and I walked back on stage to perform our encore. Through out the whole concert, I had been distracted by the ring in my pocket. It burned a hole through my skin every time I closed my eyes. As I was about to walk towards the front of the stage to bow, Tegan stopped me.

"Yo, twinsie!" The crowd erupted into fits of laughter as I looked at her. Confusion radiated off of my body. 'Catch' she mouthed at me. She tossed me a shaker. I caught it with unsteady hands. "So, I've got this song. Well, it's not my song, but a very talented band named Say Anything wrote it."

Tegan paused as the audience cheered. Before Tegan could continue, I knew which song it was. The tears began to build up. I blinked them back as I breathed in slowly.

"It's called A Walk Through Hell," Tegan smiled at the crowd. She sent a quick wink my way. "It's dedicated to some one I love dearly. I messed up, but I want them to know that I really do love them and that I promise, cross my heart, to never fuck up again. If I do, they better believe I'll walk through hell to convince them that I really love them."

I laughed at her as the crowd cheered. The opening chords hit me. The way Tegan sang with such honesty made my heart heavy. The ring was on fire. Half way through the song, I pulled the pearl ring from my pocket. I smiled as I slipped it on.

*

"Tegan," I pulled her into a dark corner back stage after the set. She smiled at me. "I came to my conclusion."

I took her hands in mine. She grinned as she fingered the silver band. I gently pressed my lips to hers.

"I love you," I mumbled into them.

"I love you too," Her goofy grin mirrored mine.

I know I must be stupid. I keep going back to the one that, even as they claim they love me, keeps hurting me, but with Tegan, I know I love her too much to quit her. I need her too much to quit her. She is my life. A life without her is like a broken pencil. Pointless.


End file.
